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LWM: My Dear one no one ever truly dies, they just move forward but they are awaiting us. Your journey is still in the making as is your grandmothers grab it, experience it and soon enough you will all be joined together again laughing, talking and huging once more. Bless you I am here for you always just an e mail away
LWM: by and read the new ALBs message if your interested . it may help to understand what the heck is going on around us all
mystic: always happy to see a familiar face stop over have a wonderful rest of the week
Kevin: Hi.. Your blog looks fantastic. I would really appreciate if you could exchange link with me...
DeviilsNeedLove2: Hope you're feeling better today.
DevilsNeedLove2: I actually just got you on there. Hee hee. I dunno but last time I logged in to my journal I was having all sorts of problems. I couldn't even make any new posts. But everything seems to be working fine now. Are you having problems sleeping, too?
DevilsNeedLove2: I tried adding you and it wouldn't let me, so I dunno what's going on. But I have you on my Myspace, so that's the most important. =)
DevilsNeedLove2: I'd love to be added to your friends list! Can I add you, too? You'll be my very first friend. =) I will check back in with you later and read your new blog. Right now I have to go get my work out in. Blarg! Take care.
DevilsNeedLove2: I've actually been trying to add a couple new posts the last two nights, but every time I try to make a new entry, it tells me the system failed to log me in. No idea what's going on. Boo. I promise to take a closer look at your blog in the next few days. Been busy. Thanks for stopping by again!
DevilsNeedLove2: Hey, thanks for stopping by my journal. I'm glad you liked what you found there. =)
Valerie: Hi there. I'm making a depression newsletter and I wondered if I might use excerpts from your blog or if you would care to share a story. Visit my link for more info. No obligation. I hope most of all that you feel better soon. Peace.
Renee: Hey hun I finally updated. Am thinking of you and missing you. I hope that you find some time to smile and know that you are loved.
Cat: Hey. It has been a very long time. E-mail me or something.
Junelle: Hi there! care to exchange links?
Bits & Pieces: tnx for the visit...ok let me know if u add me already, ok?
Bits & Pieces: hello...care to exchange link? if so let me know so I can add your link to my blog...tnx
LWM: Just dropping by to see how you are doing and maybe let you know you are missed here by many of us
Irish Blessing: Happy New Year! I thought you needed to be reminded how much you are loved, and how special you are to God....click on the link, to hear the Irish blessing.
Angel: Happy New Year! Extending my deepest sympathy in the passing of your mother.
LWM: Happy Winter Solstice, Drop by when you can
herbert: hello from germany, visit and comment my site, please
LWM: Just peering into your world to see how you are. Stop by sometime
Marcus: I'm glad to hear your doing well, even with the shitty start. Waking up with someone you love is an enormous plus in my book. good luck with everything.
LWM: Happy Halloween to you from this ol witch herself Come see the beggar that came to my door when you get a chance.
Renee: Hey hun ~ I closed my Passionate Poet account and this is my new one! Just wanted you to add this link! Thinking of you and missing you!
LWM: Out for my weekly blog drive thought I’d drop by your place and say Hi. Come see a our family member to be when you get a chance.
Renee: Thinking of you ~ maybe you could send me your email and we could try it that way. Updated a small amount. Am missing you and hope that you are smiling. I love you xoxoxox
LWM: Stopping by to say Hi Come visit me when you can
Renee: The email is linked on my name ~ maybe I sent it wrong knowing me lol ~ try this again ~ lillycreations@gmail.com ~ I love you so much.
Renee: Hey hun ~ didnt get the email ~ try again and i will check and make sure it wont go to spam ~ thanks sweetie and i love you xoxoxox
LWM: Wishing u a GREAT Weekend with lots of Love and Light Drop by sometime
Renee: hun i need you to email me when you can ~ i love you lillycreations@gmail.com
Lady Wolfen Mists:
Renee: Updated hunny and hope that you are smiling and well ~ I love you very much.
sparkle: Hello, hope you are having a good weekend
Kerri: Hi I was just journal surfing and thought I would say Hi
Lady Wolfen Mists: Hi, Its me sending you hugs and wishing you a wonderful week, month, year and life for that matter. Stop by my place if you get a chance and read about spirits in the house as well as the latest angel messages I have gotten
Renee: Am missing you my sweet and hope that you are doing okay and smiling. I love you very very much.
Elyse: Havent seen a post from you in a bit...Hope all is well.....
sparkle: have a great week ahead
ageless: just dropping by
Angel: Mel, I'm sorry. I miss you and wish I could talk to ou. but not now. Not now. I love you, so don't forget that!
Abraham's: Hey an interesting blog.Keep the work going..
Cat: Hey,I noticed you tag on my blog. Sorry it took me so long to respond, I haven't been all that motivated lately. Well, I hope that htings our going ok over there. Talk to you later.
Renee: Hey hun! Am enjoying the New Moon and was flooded with creativity so I updated! Hope that you are doing well and know that I am thinking of you!
Josh Nay (Jay Roberts): Hmm...I love the colors of your journal. Just thought I'd stop by and say hello to you. So...helllo!
ageless: thanks. and yes, "do or do not there is no try" is one of my favorites. yoda rocks. may the force be with you.
Tianta: hey, thanks for the nice tag comment!!
courtney: hey...i was blog hopping and just wanted to say hello!
Lady Wolfen Mists: Blessed and most magickal Midsummers Solstice to you. Stop by my place to read my latest rant and see the card I created for this day
venom75: Thanks for the tag.

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Tuesday, March 3rd 2009

7:59 PM (265 days, 7h, 56min ago)

Static Turbulance

  • Mood:
  • Sound: Kids laughing in the background
  • Quote: "When life gives you lemons"...squirt it in someones eye!! (I could think of a few people to do that to)

I am feeling claustrophobic in my own body. Ever felt like that before? It is not pleasant. It makes you feel like you are not human…

 

I don’t know what to do any more…I’ve said that before…and I will say it again undoubtedly…but the fact remains…I don’t know what to do any more…I keep doing something…but it must be the wrong thing…I change what I do (sometimes…let’s not fool ourselves, I am not that compliant…I don’t always change…but I do try)…but it must never be the right way…because it doesn’t really get better.

 

My head hurts so much. I have so many headaches right now and I know it isn’t anything major like a brain tumor or anything…it is just all the static in my mind…it is so loud…I have so many “thoughts” you might say just screaming and yelling and crying and fussing and……

 

I screwed up last week…I took way to much of some medicine that I should not have taken more than 1 or 2 of…I know…stupid…don’t remind me…I could kick myself…I haven’t done shit like this in awhile…but so much is happening…

 

I know…could I be any more vague…I don’t even feel safe writing in my own journal…this was my safe haven for a while…I use to write here 4 and 5 times a day…shoot I use to write 4 and 5 times in 2 hours here…and about all kinds of crap…and now I am forever afraid that someone is going to stumble across it and “discover” what is really going on inside of me…I hate being me sometimes…but then I think, would it really be any better being someone else…I don’t think there is a person in the world who isn’t screwed up in some way or another…I know my problems and issues aren’t the worst of them…but they are friggen horrible and awful to me…

 

I HATE…i hate…something…I don’t know what…that’s just one of the many feelings I have roaming around inside right now…

 

I want so much to just pour my soul out with my writing…and I can’t…I use to be able to…good lord I have journal entries in my paper and hard back journals where I would write 20, 30, 40 pages front and back just one entry…It use to be the best release I could find…the older I get…the more life happens…the more that release just fades away…I miss it…I miss it a lot…but no matter what I do to try and write…it just doesn’t come back…not like it was…

 

I am tired…I tried…I tried to write to release the tension and confusion and frustration inside…but it was just a flop tonight…sorry…maybe I’ll try again later on…

 

Mmm…Bye

1 WHISPER.

Posted by Mrs. Jellybean:

I've been uncomfortable in my own skin many many times, to the point where I wish I could rip it all off. I've been in some dangerous places before. You're right in that being someone else wouldn't really change anything. I have found a lot of my unhappiness has come from listening to all the bad shit other people have made me believe about myself. I think a lot of people are unhappy simply because they haven't accepted everything they are. I think that's why I'm unhappy a lot of the time. But I'm getting there, better and better. I hope you do, too.

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've stopped by. I don't sign into my journal very often.
Saturday, March 7th 2009 @ 11:31 PM (261 days, 4h, 24min ago)

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